Alcoholic backseat trinkets

Act 4: If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge


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Communication, a telephonic invasion. I'm planning my escape.
blackiestark
From the President's speech, delivered at 9 P.m., EST, not seen in many areas.

"...a great nation such as this must do. We cannot afford to jump at shadows like small children in a dark room; but neither can we afford to take this serious outbreak of influenza lightly. My fellow Americans, I urge you to stay at home. If you feel ill, stay in bed, take aspirin, and drink plenty of clear liquids. Be confident that you will feel better in a week at AT MOST. Let me repeat what I said at the beginning of my talk to you this evening: There is no truth -- no truth -- to the rumor that this strain of flu is fatal. In the greatest majority of cases, the person afflicted can expect to be up and around and feeling fine within a week. Further -- [a spasm of coughing] Further, there has been a vicious rumor promulgated by certain radical anti establishment groups that this strain of influenza has been somehow bred by this government for some possible military use. Fellow Americans, this is a flatout falsehood, and I want to brand it as such right here and now. This country signed the revised Geneva Accords on poison gas, nerve gas, and germ warfare in good conscience and in good faith. We have not now nor have we ever -- [a spasm of sneezes] -- have we ever been a party to the clandestine manufacture of substances outlawed by the Geneva Convention. This is a moderately serious outbreak of influenza, no more and no less. We have reports tonight of outbreaks in a score of other countries, including Russia and Red China. Therefore we -- [a spasm of coughs and sneezes] -- we ask you to remain calm and secure in the knowledge that late this week or early next, a flu vaccine will be available for those not already on the mend. National Guardsmen have been called out in some areas to protect the populace against hooligans, vandals, and scare-mongers, but there is absolutely no truth to the rumors that some cities have been 'occupied' by regular army forces or that the news has been managed. My fellow Americans, this is a flat out falsehood, and I want to brand it as such right here and..."

(Heh heh heh.)

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I was gonna discuss this with my cousin out in Arnette, Texas, but for some reason my phone calls don't seem to get through. Huh.

I hope he turned the pumps off.

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